A church in Poland
Brothers and Sisters, today I’m here to talk about how prayer strengthens my relationship with God. How many of you here believe in God? I believe it is all of you and so do I. Because, for me God has been a symbol of strength who redeems his people and leads to justice. I was reading in the book of Mormon where Enos had an experience of prayer in coming to God and Jesus Christ. It resonated well with my own personal story in the hospital. One day in May 2023, I was at the hospital crying and weeping as hard as I could. It was not because I was weak. It was because I was strong yet I was paranoid. I was suffering from the worst spell of PTSD and Bipolar Disorder. I sat there in the chair and shed my tears as nurse Coco read the verse from the book of Psalms in the Bible. As she stopped, I turned to God to pray out loud. Lord, I am down here trying to do what is right while struggling to understand the racial structure in America in the 21st century where some people have been discriminated against others (sometimes violently) because of their race or ethnicity. Please, help me understand the justice system of America where sometimes the innocent are treated unfairly.
In the midst of my hospitalization, the Lord asked me to stand up for justice. I knew God was my light and my salvation. God was with me and would be with me until the end.
My first hospitalization in March 2021 led to the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. However, I didn’t accept my illness for almost a year. I thought to myself, How could God allow this to happen to me? I looked myself in the mirror and said,” Lord Could you please release me from the suffering of life?” Then, I tried to harm myself. Although, I yearned to die, my death escaped me as it ultimately resulted in my 4th hospitalization that led me to accept my illness and start my medication. Through my prayer and commitment to change at the hospital, I was able to get help from wonderful Veteran Affairs staffs, pyschologists, psychiatrists, nurses and Chaplains that allowed me to save my life. If it was not for God, I would not be standing up here in this stage and talking to you all. After my hospitalization in Massachusetts, I went to Nepal and stayed in Kathmandu, the foothill of Himalayas for 9 months. I understood this as a calling from God for me to climb Everest Base Camp. To avoid my fear of heights, I even did bungee-jumping hanging upside down 303 ft from the rope.
My soul yearns for the prayers as I confess my sins. The confession of my sins is the beginning of good works. Through my prayer, I’m asking God humbly to hear me everyday. I know it appears God is sometimes slow in responding to us because he has to hear the prayer of 8 Billion people. However, I also know God answers prayers in his own due time and has prepared a better future for us. God will not ignore us. God withholds from us what we are not yet ready for. He wants us to have a lively desire for his greatest gifts. This is to say I always pray to God and do not lose my heart. In the words of St. Augustine, my prayer to God strengthens my relationship with God because I pray as though everything depended on God and work as though everything depended on me.
During times of insomnia, I prayed to the God with prayers and it allowed me to fall asleep. Prayer leads me to consciousness. It allows me to be aware of the surrounding and how I can apply my five senses to make a better decision. As a 30 year old chanting Buddhist mantra, “Om Tare tu Tare ture swaha” in my home in Grinnell, Iowa, God heard my prayer granting me a job with a respectable salary in Auburn, Pennsylvania. By age 30, I had two homes, one in Grinnell, IA and another in Pottsville, PA. It was a dream rooted within an American dream. However, I didn’t have the satisfaction. There was a swift downfall as I sold both my homes and resigned from my job after my diagnosis of bipolar disorder. My happiness was gone and my dream was shattered into pieces of glasses.
Fast forward to 2024, I am limited to one bedroom in a townhome shared with 3 other housemates. Yet, I am the happiest person in the universe. I am grateful to God for he has allowed me to save my life through the darkest of times. This is how I know God is great and that my relationship with God has grown deeper by the day.
To sum up, God grants me the power to overcome my flaws through prayers. God grants me inner peace of my soul which leads to my happiness. God rewards me with virtue. God allows me to gain wisdom through prayer. God guides me in an uncertain journey but I also know that God has plans to prosper me. Hence, I am doing the will of God as I seek kindly redemption because I have been to the mountaintop, most recently Mt. Kilimanjaro Base Camp which strengthens my relationship with God. To sum up, like 2 Nephi (4:20-21), God has been my support through my difficult times and has guided me to light through darkness. Although, I am now a Catholic, I will always be at heart a believer in Church of Jesus Christ because you gave me a new life through my relationship with Christ.